Remembering those college memories is like eating that icing cream layer of that pastry, soft and memorizing. I had 5 years of college life in my bachelors in para-medical branch, mostly spent in studying and being a obedient child. So, I always had that small regret in the corner of my heart of not fully living my college life. But, life gave me another chance to re-live that time when I took a diploma course in a foreign country. The only difference was: the time was different. I was a divorcee with a abusive marriage in the past, and not interest in any sort of hook-ups.
I was the only one who knew my past in the college. Everyone else looked at me like a normal girl, who could be someone’s girlfriend. It felt good that there was no one who was going to ask me about how I’m doing or how have I been. I wasn’t haunted by those thoughts but I was surrounded by flirty guys trying to ask me out. If this would have happened 7 years back I would have dive into it like a roller coaster ride, but at this point I was looking for a relationship with commitment. Because I feared that I would hung up in these ‘one-night stand’ culture and loose that tiny little hope of finding love again.
we had recreational area in our college where indoor sports like foosball, snooker, table tennis etc were there for students to enjoy. I had never played anyone of those indoor games and hence wanted to try my hands on that. So I took a stupid yet courageous act to go to one of the snooker table with a bunch of guys playing the game, requesting to allow me to join them. A tall slim guy with hair spikes, with those suspicious eyes filled with attitude replied to me “we don’t play with new comers. You can wait until our game is finished.” I still remember those eyes and the way he said. And snooker was considered a male-oriented game there and the only girl interested was me. I just didn’t like how I was seen, by that guy just because I was a female. Well, the college that I studied in had majority of international students, mainly sikhs (punjabi) and I know Indian perceptive is about women, as I had experienced one in my past marriage. Through my colleague, I came to know that guys name who humiliated me in front of everyone, his name was ‘Ghotam’ and that he was after some girl in our batch.
There was something about this guy that made me stuck on him. May be his arrogance or the humiliation that didn’t let me sleep on it. I developed metaphorical dreams that haunted me about this Ghotam city, which was ruled by a guy name Bad-man, who never let me learn the game of snooker. And I enjoyed breaking the dominance of Ghotam by making him loose the game over me in my wet dreams. My quest for a perfect night continued in form of those wet dreams. And the obvious easy target for my subconscious mind was that one guy that humiliated me in front of everyone. As my cycle of thoughts was filled by him, even though in terms of hatred, But deep down somewhere hatred is also a form of love.
May be those dreams were sign of my negligence towards my physical needs. May be I wanted to be felt and loved after years of being ‘Virgin Mary’ and even after marriage having abusive intercourse. I haven’t had sex in 2 years and the past experience were not so good, so I never actually had good sex in terms of satisfaction. Meanwhile, My daytime focus was to learn snooker but mere observation as it was hard to get a table to play snooker during college hours. So, I used to watch videos on youtube about how to play snooker and the physics involved in it, also downloaded a game on my phone to virtually practice and sometimes arrived early before class started to actually practice when no one had arrived. I heard that he was pretty good at snooker so you don’t challenge an expert without winning small games with the folks to attract crowd and get some attention of big players like him.
One fine day during break between classes, I and my other female friend had book table and were playing the game, I saw him from the corner of my eye, arriving form the back towards me. He arrived near me and lean his shoulder on the table and looked right into my eyes and said “how about we play a game together this time?? heard a lot of about your moves…”. I masking my humor with anger asked “what kind of moves are you talking about??” He smiled a little nervously and said “I mean the game snooker…”. “So, Mr. Ghotam you came to lose today…” I said. He replied ” I think I already lost a little…”. At this point I wanted to know this guy who showed interest in me and decided to ask him out after the game no matter who wins. I wasn’t a girl who would play those games and wait for the guy to ask out.
He took the turn in opening and hit the white cue ball to pot three other balls in first shot trying to impress me. Now was the time to showcase what I had been practicing all this time. I won’t get into the details of the game as there was no flirting and everybody was watching with pin drop silence and we both focused only on the game. But, at last I won the match. Sure hell, I wanted to know what was there between us but humiliation was humiliation. He was shocked by his defeat but yet I didn’t notice his male ego and was humble to accept it and instead praise me by saying “I didn’t knew your an expert in this…”. I replied ” I learned it from someone who told me to wait in line as he didn’t liked to play with new comers.” That day I saw a spark in his eyes for me. I don’t know what it was or where it would lead but I was willing to see how far it could go. It was just that feeling, when you see it in someone’s eye’s for you and you feel that there could be deeper connection and great chemistry in that. You no longer worry about getting hurt, when your already burnt enough. He didn’t asked me out that day, I don’t know may be with the fear of me turning it down. But I had already decided to ask him out, just needed to confirm if he was still after that ‘some girl’ from our batch or not.