In this article I would like to talk about ways to MOVE ON in life. Moving on could be for anything whether its a person, object, tangible or intangible thing. We all hang on to something at some point in our life and carry that BAGGAGE through years of our life and never even notice it. The BAGGAGE that we carry becomes so heavy and chronic at some point, that it just bursts like a VOLCANO. Passive Anger, tears, sadness and resentment are outlets for this BAGGAGE. They are like CRACKS above the steam that lets the content out. But we people take those emotions as negative image and something that needs to hidden in the four walls rather than letting it be public. So, at any point if you experience those emotions, its completely OK and normal. All these emotions are pressure releasing CRACKS of the underlying VOLCANO so let it out. I will be discussing about how to MOVE ON from EX/separation in this article
- Don’t expect anyone else to understand this PROCESS. Breaking up or separation is a painful PROCESS, rather I would describe it as a journey that only the person who is going through can understand. You need to accept this fact first. No matter how much support you have – your parents, friends, family etc at some point you would feel that they don’t completely understand you. On the other hand it is crucial to have strong support during this phase, so appreciate if you have support. But its our own journey so don’t expect them to walk for you. They are only there to guide you, not to walk for you. This is the first step in the PROCESS of the MOVE ON.
- Highly advisable: Don’t try to be friends with your EX or Spouse if you still have FEELINGS for them. Now in most cases there is a possibility that you might have FEELINGS for him/her, even though you don’t accept that fact, even though you were in an abusive/toxic relationship, you still have FEELINGS. The thing about being friends or still in touch with your EX/Spouse is that your not breaking the HABIT. Most long-term relationships are also based on HABIT, HABIT of having each other around. So, what you need to do is just to break the old HABIT. Change your number or block their number from your phone or whatever it takes to just break the HABIT. For highly dependent individuals I have also come up with an idea of creating a VOICEMAIL specially for this. When you drunk dial or desperate situations call on this VOICEMAIL and leave a massage. Keep all the messages and listen to them when your hangover is over or fully conscious. This might help boost your self-esteem or self-respect.
- Take any adventure. Whether it is a trip to Rome, or a Tuscany, A hobby that you wished to try long back, go back to school and complete your education or whatever it takes you to come out of your comfort zone. I understand its tough, but remember you have to do it if you want to come out from this HABIT. Now is the time to focus on things that you like or wished to do and couldn’t do it because you were in this relationship. Shake yourself and bring out that FEELING that made you once happy by just thinking of doing that stuff one day.
- Make a LIST and make a HABIT to go through them at least once a day. I would recommend multiple times. Now this LIST should include all the points and reasons as to why you broke up or separated or that relation did not last. This LIST helps to avoid relapse or falling back to old HABIT. Also make another LIST, just next to this one of all the good qualities about yourself. Write down all the good qualities that you possess or your friends have said you at some point. This LIST would help you boost your confidence and support in the next things you do in life. So, pen down the LIST on a paper not mobile phone (as you can easily ignore it) and stick it to a place that you visit first thing in the morning.
- Always remember there is a reason why you are no longer in that relationship. NEVER forget that. If he/she cheated on you its really their loss because they have failed to know how good you are and how much potential you have. If you had been in an abusive relationship, just remember you deserve much better than this. Don’t treat yourself and your body to such low level by thinking of going back or actually going back. You have reached a point where there is no turning back. Focus on yourself. Work on yourself. Remember the grass always feels greener on the other side but you can focus on making your garden green.
- Lastly Don’t freak out if you found out that your EX got engaged or in a relationship, or having a baby. Its OK to give yourself time to come out from that ‘dirt well’. Be kind to yourself. For he/she might have just been with someone who just came by in their life without thinking or investing in them too much or may be it might be just a rebound. And even if they found their true love in that relationship don’t panic, if they can find someone in their life, you deserve much better, so will you, but at the right time. So, give yourself time. Always remember “Good things take time”