HOW MANY TIMES…

 

How many times, I will let my self-respect down,

How many times, I will stay quiet,

How many times, I have said the word ‘no’,

How many times, his hands run over my body,

How many times, I struggled and fought back,

How many times, I gave up,

How many times, he penetrated me that night,

How many times, I was numb and frozen,

How many times, I died inside,

How many times, I felt my body is worthless,

How many times, I was afraid to sleep in one bed next to him,

How many times, this will continue,

How many times, I was broken,

How many times, I tried to run away from the truth,

How many times, I tied to convince myself that it was my fault,

How many times, I let him do that to me,

How many times, I faced the truth,

How many times, I cried for help,

How many times, I fought my fears,

How many times, I had the courage to say what happened to me,

How many times, I really spoke up for myself,

How many times, I had the nerve to confront him,

How many times, I considered myself as ‘a survivor’ not ‘a victim’,

How many times, I rebuilt my self-respect,

How many times, I came back as a stronger person,

Finally, how many times I will fight back to this world…

Extract: this poem “how many times…” are questions that we ask ourselves each day, each moment. The voices in our head that questions our identity, our self-worth. The moment we degrade our body to such an extent that we feel its worthless, useless, piece of shit. Our mind tries to convince ourselves that it never happened or it never happened the way we think. The time when we start to question ourselves, whether it was real or just an imagination. The time when we live this fact that it all happened but somehow, we want it to be erased, but that’s never going to happen. Then there comes a moment when we fear to such an extent that, fear has no longer power on us. That’s the time when we stand up for ourselves, confront in front of everyone and fight back, rebuilt our consciousness and self-respect. That’s the time when we bring the big change in our life and a small change in this world.

 

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